


Claiming Evidence

by citrusorgans



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 16:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13057452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusorgans/pseuds/citrusorgans
Summary: It's the second semester of his Junior year, and Rian's got a crush on the guy with Cute Eyebrows in his Astro101 class.





	1. Lost In Stereo

**Author's Note:**

> here it is. the college AU i've been saying i'd finish for almost two years. its complete. 
> 
> small edits will be made once i hear back from my beta readers, but i needed to post this today, on Rian's Birthday. 
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope yall love it as much as I do.
> 
> ENJOY!!!

Rian knew he was gonna fail Intro to Astrophysics.

It wasn’t part of his major, and the thought of being alone in a class devoted to learning about theoretical bullshit and rocks a gazillion miles away didn’t strike his fancy.  
He should’ve been in Rhythm 310 right now. At least a class like that would have kept him interested. But, thanks to a distracted department head misplacing his registration form and leaving him until the day classes started to find out all his preferred classes were full, here he was. In this elective nightmare. Instead of three months of engaging lectures on the principles of rhythmic harmony and compositional balance, he was stepping into the most Anti-Rian Class this school offered.

Fucking space.

Bright fluorescent lights stung his tired eyes. He had yet to reacquaint himself with functional, adult hours of life after enjoying a whole winter break of sleeping until noon. An eight-thirty class was the last thing he needed right now. His shoulders ached with the weight of the one-hundred-and-fifteen-dollar required reading strapped to his back. 

Honestly, who needed half a million pages to talk about stars?

People milled around him, shuffling into seats and chatting at a low volume. Rian saw at least three Star Wars t-shirts—That was the one with the lightsabers, right? Rian played with the strap of his backpack before he took in a decisive breath of air. He weaved through the crowd, heading straight for the tiers of seats. He’d almost reached his new, self-proclaimed spot for the semester—not too far up but not too close to the front—when his eyes landed on a guy sitting in the middle row.

“Holy fuck,” He mumbled.

Rian, in his twenty-one years of experiencing a reasonable amount of attraction to people, had seen his fair share of beautiful men. But _goddamn,_ this one took the cake.

Rian felt the urge to turn on his heel and just accept it: Nope, he would not be able to focus with that _distraction_ in here all semester. It was bad enough he had to learn about boring-ass rocks floating around in the sky but now this? This ethereal god sitting in the same room as him? He may as well throw his GPA out the goddamn window.

But he continued up the steps like the good seventy-five-thousand-dollars-in-debt student he was. 

_Those are the biggest eyebrows I’ve ever seen._ Rian thought. They were comically thick like someone took an extra-wide black marker and scrawled beneath his hairline. Rian expected them to be bushy and wild for how big they were, but instead, they appeared groomed and uniform. They looked as if the stranger combed them with a tiny brush every morning. They were bold against the paleness of his skin. They echoed the color of his deep, brown eyes. And his hair… oh, my god, his hair fell in front of his face with an ironic grace that would have put Pete Wentz to shame.

The stranger kept talking with his hands. He tapped the table when saying something of emphasis to the person sitting next to him. He had a tattoo on his right forearm above layers of beaded and woven bracelets. The guy shook his head, and his bangs flicked out of his eyes. Big doe eyes that wandered as he talked and—

Rian tripped on the next step he took. His face flushed and he hurried to his seat before anyone noticed. He was about three rows above the Cute Eyebrow Guy, and the view of the back of his head, brown hair streaked with stripes of blonde highlights, wasn’t ideal, but Rian could live with it for a semester. 

Rian decided that he may as well _try_ to do work for this class. There was no use in staring at the mussed wave of hair fifteen feet away from him for two hours every other day, but the thought taunted him. He took out his laptop and booted up an empty note page for the class. His textbook thudded against the desk with ominous weight.

The murmur of conversation in the class faded as a man entered the room and set his bag down on the front desk.

“Hey everyone,” The professor called to his new students. At first glance, the man didn’t look much older than them, early thirties at most. His hair and clothing made him seem younger in an obvious attempt to relate to his students. He had short, styled black hair and a lip piercing. A fitted black t-shirt on top of a faded pair of black skinny jeans with Converse helped him achieve that “Too Cool to Be a Science Teacher” look.

“Welcome to Astrophysics 101, my name’s Matt.” He uncapped a red marker and scrawled the course title on the board. “You can call me Matt, or Flyzik; I don’t care. ‘Dr. Flyzik’ sounds fuckin’ dumb, so don’t do that.”

The class laughed, and the ice had been broken. The tension that had built up in Rian’s shoulders relaxed; this class couldn’t be horrible if their teacher was cool. Rian glanced down and saw Cute Eyebrow Guy grinning. All thoughts in Rian's brain came to a sudden halt because _Holy shit he has an incredible smile._

Flyzik pulled a laptop out of his bag. “I’m gonna take roll, then I’ll pass out the syllabus, and we can get started.”

Eyebrow Guy leaned over and whispered something to the guy sitting next to him. While the two of them chuckled, Rian wished he’d been the one sitting there instead.

 _“Oh, hahaha, you’re so funny, Cute Eyebrow Guy!”_ Rian clicked his pen while Flyzik read through attendance. _“You should be a comedian, Eyebrow Guy. Has anyone ever told you how good your hair looks? Yeah, you’ve totally nailed that Warped Tour Look. In a good way, of course! Like honestly, you pull it off. Speaking of pulling off,—“_

“Robert Dawson,” Flyzik’s voice called from the front of the class.

“Uh, right here,” Rian raised his hand, snapping back to reality. “And I, uh. I go by Rian.”

“Ryan?” Flyzik squinted at the screen of his laptop.

“Yeah, it’s my middle name.” Rian felt heat rush to his face the longer he talked. His voice echoed in the quiet room. “Rian, with an ‘I.’” 

He glanced down and swallowed hard. Cute Eyebrow Guy was watching him with a mild look of interest on his perfect, _distracting_ face.

“Rian, okay.” Flyzik finalized, typing a note into the attendance sheet.

He felt like his name had just about worn itself out when he saw Eyebrow Guy look back at his friend. The slow syllables of _Rian_ formed on his lips. Casual, but particular. Rian imagined how his name would sound coming from those lips. He hoped the voice was as captivating as the mouth it came from.

Rian cleared his throat, looking anywhere but three rows below him. He steadied his heartbeat, listening to Flyzik read off a few more people. Since this class wasn’t part of his major, Rian didn’t recognize anyone from his Music Production courses, but that was fine. He was okay with meeting new people. Especially if “new people” included hot scene kids who looked like they owned two furry caterpillars instead of eyebrows.

“Alexander Gas… Gaskarth?” Flyzik faltered, unsure if the name was as easy to say as it appeared.

Rian’s stomach flipped when Cute Eyebrow Guy raised his hand.

“Yeah, Gaskarth,” His voice eased out of his throat with a grainy undertone. “And you can just call me Alex.” It flowed with a casual melody, punctuated and sharp all at once.

Alex Gaskarth. Perfect face, perfect hair, _perfect_ voice.

Rian was fucked.


	2. Outlines

Rian and Jack’s room looked how you would expect a college dorm inhabited by two unsupervised young men to look. It was, to put it delicately, disgusting. 

However, while chaotic and overwhelming, there seemed to be some semblance of organization to their pigsty. Their mess was split down the middle to accommodate the separate spaces of the boys living there.

On Rian’s half of the room, a scuffed bedside table held stacks of old receipts and tangled charging cables. His stained duvet was bunched up from a night of heavy sleeping. His dresser, the only thing Rian had in order, was overstuffed with folded clothes. Surrounding all other objects on Rian’s side were textbooks and papers of every kind. Sheet music hid beneath his bed in crumbled balls. They were the product of occasional late-night sweeps of inspiration before his songwriting reminded him why he was a drummer and not a lyricist.

Where empty cups of coffee littered Rian’s side of the room, greasy pizza boxes and dirty socks covered the entirety of Jack’s side. He’d lost his blanket to the mess long ago and now used his growing pile of old laundry to cover himself in the night. A CRT television sat on his desk among a sea of empty soda cans. A guitar plastered with stickers leaned against the short-circuited amplifier Jack used as a table. The dresser he had yet to fill with clean clothing, if he ever got around to washing his clothes, was used as a filing cabinet instead. Well, as close to a filing cabinet as he could get with broken drawers stuffed with crumpled assignments, torn textbooks, and a resin-coated bong.

Girls didn’t visit them often.

 

After a long day of classes, the first thing Rian did when he came home was trip on Jack’s boxers.

“Christ—!” Rian grabbed the doorknob to regain his balance. “Dude, move your goddamn underwear.” 

“Oh shit,” Jack’s laughter greeted his entrance. “Sorry, man.” His roommate’s lanky body barely filled the pajamas he’d undoubtedly been wearing all day. His glasses reflected the blue of the television screen, GameCube controller in hand. 

“S’all good.” Rian kicked the boxers up at Jack’s head. “I just almost died, no big deal.”

Jack laughed again, throwing his dirty underwear across the room to land a foot short of his ignored laundry basket. 

“How was class?” Jack reached under his bed and pulled out two cans of Coke from his mini fridge.

Rian caught the one thrown at him and peeled off his coat and socks. “Classes were okay. Not as boring as I thought they would be.” He collapsed onto his bed, taking a long sip and feeling the motivation to do homework fade away as he watched Jack dash through Super Mario Sunshine. 

“Cool. What did you have, again? Weren’t you complaining about some astronomy one?” Jack said with a genuine interest in his voice, his eyes glued to the glowing screen.

“Astrophysics, yeah.” Rian watched as Mario took another three hits before falling dead for a Game Over. “My professor’s pretty cool, and he knows how to handle a big class. You wouldn’t think an eight-thirty intro class would be so energetic, but, uh, you’d be wrong.” Rian cleared his throat, running a hand through his short hair. “There are actually some pretty cool people in that class.” _Alex “Cute Eyebrow Guy” Gaskarth._

“Yeah? In a science class? Who even takes that?” Jack pushed a lock of unwashed hair away from his forehead. “We’re a performing arts school. What kind of nerd comes here and majors in _science_?”

“The same kind that thinks Star Wars is good, apparently.”

“Dude!” Jack turned, shooting an incredulous look at his friend. “Star Wars is fucking great, what is wrong with you?”

Rian laughed, shrugging his shoulders and taking another sip. “No, yeah I didn’t really talk to anyone today but they, uh… they seem cool.”

“Buncha nerds,” Jack said with a giggle. “Come at me when you learn an instrument, _nerds_.” 

“Come at me when _you_ do.”

Jack laughed and immediately dove Mario off a ledge. 

“Fuuuuck this game!” Jack offered the controller to Rian, who shook his head.

“No way man, you’ve almost got it,” Rian smirked.

Jack let out a groan and hit _Retry._ “It’s so difficult!”

“How long have you been at this?” Rian asked, fearing the answer.

“What time is it?”

“Four,”

“A long time.”

Rian shook his head. “Dude, did you even have class today?”

“Y’know what, I don’t like you _assuming_ that I skipped my Harmony class,”

“I said no such thing,” Rian said, “But did you?”

Behind his glasses, Jack’s eyes twisted up into a cheeky grin. “Now, that’s neither here nor there, Mister, alright? Okay? Can’t a guy just enjoy his Thursday—“

“It’s Monday.”

“—enjoy his Thursday, drink some refreshing beverages, jerk off a lil’, smoke some dank herb and play some video games? Play some gosh-darn Nintendoes? Is that such a crime, Rian?!”

“You’re disgusting, and I think you’re addicted to weed. You got the Green Fever, my dude.”

Jack coughed out a laugh, choking on soda. “That’s not a thing! I’m good, man, I can quit at any time.” Jack gave his words a theatrical slur.

“Tell that to the police.” Rian held his soda can up to his ear. “Hello, Mr. Cop Officer? I’d like to report a mad case of Green Fever. Yeah, he is totally up in that herb. Thanks.” He turned to face Jack, deadpan. “They’re on their fucking way, criminal.” 

Jack crumpled into a mess of laughter, earning Mario another shameless death. It took the two of them a moment to compose themselves. Jack took a few deep breaths, removing his glasses and pinching the bridge of his large nose. Rian adjusted the pillows on his bed and sat up for another refreshing drag of his Coke. He gave Jack an encouraging pat on the leg as his roommate booted up the level for a fifth attempt.

“So, day one of Astro-Science-Thing done.” He returned to their previous conversation. “Are you basically a super genius now?” Jack asked, sitting up for optimal video game positioning.

“After one day? Of course, I am.” Rian chuckled. “What’s there to know about stars? They glow and stuff. I’ll ace that class no problem.” His voice dripped with sarcasm. In actuality, the probability of Rian failing Astro 101 was very high. If he didn’t start listening to Flyzik instead of staring at the back of Alex’s head and wondering what shampoo he used on that beautiful boyband hair, he was totally getting an F.

 

So, by the time the fifth day of Intro to Astrophysics came around, Rian was determined to focus. They were already three weeks into the class, and their first test taunted Rian from where it sat forebodingly on the desk. Rian wore his lucky Green Day t-shirt for extra motivation, and not because he overheard Alex talking about the band in the previous class. 

Rian’s palms sweat as his leg bounced nervously.

_Where are most of the baryons in the current universe?_

Rian knew this, he knew that he knew this. He’d studied for it; he’d done his homework. He knew the answer, but somehow, he absolutely did not know the answer.  
A sigh escaped his lips, and he began clicking his pen. He glanced at his neighbors’ papers, not technically cheating if he didn’t read—

Okay, so _In dark energy, dark matter, and atoms._ That one little cheat won’t count.

He felt the stressed sweats return as soon as he read the next question, so Rian zoned out for a good three minutes. He rubbed his neck and let his eyes wander around the room. He didn’t focus for a while until his gaze caught a pair of brown eyes that made his heart jump.

Alex had a smirk angled in his direction from a few rows away. Rian watched in awe as Alex’s spectacular eyebrows wrinkled together in exaggerated exasperation. Rian gave a quiet chuckle, rolling his eyes back at Alex in response. Alex’s smirk formed a full grin that sent heat rushing through Rian’s body. Rian kept his own smile even after Alex turned back to his test. Rian leaned over the paper, filled with newfound confidence. 

His pen twirled in his hand as the brief blessing of their interaction replayed in his head. 

You said it, Cute Eyebrow Guy: _“Fuck this.”_


	3. Daydream Away

Rian didn’t have a crush on Alex. He just really, really, liked the idea of making him smile as much as possible. He had an amazing smile. It came from the left side of his mouth, stretching out his thin lips. On lucky days it came with a laugh. A laugh Rian felt he didn’t deserve for a stupid face made at Alex from across the room. While their limited contact never consisted of more than sarcastic looks shared during boring lectures, Rian cherished every one.

One day he was blessed with an actual conversation. Rian had walked past him on his way to his seat when Alex nodded his head at him.

“Hey man, what was the homework?” 

Rian’s stomach turned. Eye contact, _and_ words directed at him? _Be still, my dick._

“Uh, read chapter fifteen and answer the questions on the last page. Super easy stuff.”

“Hell yeah, okay cool.” Alex opened his book. “I absolutely did not do that.”

Rian gave him a thumbs-up. “It’s really stupid, good luck.”

“Yeah, awesome.” He looked up, seeing Flyzik walk in and begin setting up for the lecture. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem,” Rian said, casually moving to his seat while his heart pumped loudly in his ears. He heard Flyzik call from the front of the room, asking everyone to turn in their assignment, and Rian laughed when he heard Alex whisper _“Fuuuuck,”_

 

Rian returned from work on Saturday ready for a night of restful relaxation. He’d gotten all his homework done for midterms and had the entire first season of The Walking Dead queued up for re-watching. Maybe he’d clean up his side of the room for a change. Jack was going to be out with his friends for a while, so Rian could throw away some pizza boxes before his tornado-of-a-roommate returned. He could even do his laundry and lay around stoned for a few hours. The night was still young.

However, upon entering his room, Rian nearly had a heart attack.

“Welcome home!” Jack called from his bed. This was fine. Honestly, Rian didn’t mind that Jack was home early. But the person in the room with him restored Rian’s faith in God.

“Hey,” Alex _Cute-Fucking-Eyebrow-Guy_ Gaskarth was sitting on his bed. Right there. On _Rian’s_ bed. Unfortunately, clothed, but it was a step in the right direction.

“Uh, hi,” Rian choked out, awkwardly standing mid-step in the threshold of his room. “I thought you were gonna be out tonight?” He said to Jack, more of a question than a statement.

“Yeah, nah, we went to dinner with the guys, but Alex wanted to play the new Legend of Zelda game, so he made me take him back here.”

“I didn’t _make_ you,” Alex protested, a perfect grin plastered on his perfect face. He pulled his gaze away from the screen, hitting Rian with those deep, brown eyes. “Jack said he bought the Switch! You can’t just tell a man that and _not_ expect him to invade your home.”

“He’s right, Jack.” Rian felt some of his nervousness fade with Alex’s humor. “That thing _is_ a babe magnet.” 

Alex and Jack dissolved into giggles. Jack swore and took a hit from his bong. Alex returned his attention to the game. Even at a glance, Rian could see how much better Alex was than Jack at playing video games.

Rian reached for his backpack. “I’m just gonna grab my laptop and get out of your way, sorry.”

“Woah, hey, no!” Jack pleaded, extending his arm out to Rian. “Come stay with us!”

“Yeah, man!” Alex enthused and patted the bed next to him. “Sit a spell, play some vidya’ games.” 

“You sure?” Rian hesitated, nervous at the suggestion of sitting _so close_ to Alex. “I don’t wanna get in the way.”

Alex scoffed, shaking his head. “In the way of what? We’re smoking and playing Zelda, dude. This isn’t exactly an exclusive event. Now sit your _ass_ down.”

“Hell yeah!” Jack shouted from his bed. He started clapping and chanting “Ri-an, Ri-an, Ri-an!” Alex joined in, and Rian’s name had never sounded more convincing.

“Alright, alright, I’ll stay!” Rian held up his hands, finally letting the door close behind him. He sat down on his bed decisively, hyperaware of his leg brushing against Alex’s knee. Jack handed him the bong, and he took a long rip. He felt his nerves ease as he got comfortable, kicking off his shoes and settling in as Alex slashed at some Bokoblins. Rian pointedly stared at the screen and kept Alex’s smile in his peripheral.

 

The night progressed smoothly. Rian soon realized that Jack and Alex had similar humor, leaving the atmosphere ripe with banter and giggles. 

“Your TV makes this look like shit,” Alex complained after an hour of squinting to read the text. 

“Hey!” Jack defended, “We can’t all be rich kids, my man. I’ve got, a fuckin’, HDMI cord plugged into, y’know. One of those. Three, red-yellow-white things. The adapter. Then plugged into the TV which is plugged into an extension cord that’s plugged into a split plug-thing on the wall.”

“Wow. That has _got to be_ the _least_ eco-friendly thing you could fucking do with this thing.” Alex shook his head. He’d been spending the past five minutes trying to shield-surf. “Look. Look at this. See how green this game is? In 50 years we’re gonna use this game as a relic—no, like. We’re gonna look back at this game and be like ‘Wow, is that what Earth used to look like? I mean, I know it’s a video game but what could they have used for…reference?’” Alex pinched his eyebrows together, trying to piece through the bit in his head. “Like, okay, like… The world is gonna be so fucked up, people are gonna think _grass_ only exists in video games.”

“Ayeee,” Jack put two fingers to his lips. “ _grass_ , dude? Like that sweet, sweet grass, my man?”

“Shut up! No, Jack, I’m being serious!” Alex’s laughter broke his argument. “Your horrible use of electricity is gonna fuck up Mother Earth. You, exclusively. Only you. You piece of shit.”

Rian’s stomach hurt from laughing. 

 

When pizza arrived an hour later, Alex had relinquished the controller after an embarrassing Game Over. Jack took over, running Link around in circles in an attempt at combat.

Alex took another bite of pizza. “You’ve got sauce on your face,” Rian said. 

“Oh, shit,” Alex lifted an arm to his face.

“Don’t use your sleeve, you animal!” Rian grabbed for the napkins.

“I’m sorry!” Alex giggled and wiped his lip properly. “I just want this pizza _all over me_.” 

“Yeah, well I don’t want it _all over_ my bed.” 

“Sure, like these sheets aren’t filthy enough.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rian raised his eyebrows at Alex.

“That I don’t need a backlight to see the jizz all over your bed.” Alex raised a single eyebrow in response.

“Well you sat down here willingly, so what does that say about you?”

“I trust you more than Jack not to give me herpes.”

“Hey!” Jack interjected. “No way man, not anymore. The doctor said I was a clean boy!”

Rian shifted his tone of voice, “Jackary, stop lying to our guest.”

Jack laughed as Alex gave an exaggerated shudder. “This room is dangerous territory,” Alex said. “I’m _covered_ in _cum._ ”

Rian absolutely refused to acknowledge that mental image.

 

By two in the morning, the copious amounts of weed and pizza they’d ingested resulted in a staggering loss of coherent thought. Jack was half asleep, laying down on his stomach and watching the television as it glowed blue from inactivity. Rian felt weight against his side and was slow to the realization that Alex’s head rested on his shoulder. 

Had Rian been sober, he’d be blushing like a fool. Instead, his body relaxed into the sensation. The only thought bouncing around his brain was of how comfortably the two of them fit together. 

Rian listened to the heartbeat thudding in his ears, hoping to feel the mirrored rhythm in the body pressed against him. With every intake of air, Alex’s scent enveloping him. He smelled like winter. The aroma of fresh snow and crisp air. The hum of static electricity before a shock. The sun’s reflection off white ground. The whip of wind and bite of ice. Alex’s entire being emanated from that frigid, powerful scent. His body radiated ironic warmth, and Rian felt goosebumps all the same.

Rian wondered if this moment was a dream. If the whisper of Alex’s hair on Rian’s neck was another fantasy. If the rise and fall of his chest in time with his own was an illusion. Rian thought this scene, in its quiet harmony, was more than he could have dreamed of.  
His tranquil bubble of perfection broke with a yawn.

Alex stretched and glanced at his phone. He sighed, and Rian knew what dreaded words were next. 

“I should get going,” Alex said with reluctance. 

“Aw, no, man.” Rian held back the whine in his voice. “You should just spend the night. It’s way too late to catch an Uber.”

Alex ran a hand through his hair, a tired smile forming on his lips. “No worries, my apartment’s only a block away.” He gave his arms another stretch, releasing a moan that made Rian’s brain reset. “I had fun, but I need to wake up early tomorrow.” 

“Shoulda thought of that before coming over here to dick around all night.” Rian teased, leaning back against his headboard as Alex pulled on his hoodie.

“Oh, I knew what I was getting into.” Alex chuckled and slipped on his shoes. “It was absolutely worth it.”

“Yeah? Great, I’m glad.” Rian said as he stood to walk Alex to the door. “I had fun, too. It’s been a while since Jack and I have had another person to get stupid high with.”

“I’m glad I could make the three-way a reality.” 

They laughed, then glanced at Jack passed out across the room.

“Should we tuck him into his… pile?” Alex nodded to the mountain of clothing replacing a blanket at the end of Jack’s bed.

“Nah, he’ll be fine.” Rian brought his voice down to match Alex’s whisper. “He’d kick it off anyway; he’s a fidgety kid.” 

“That definitely doesn’t surprise me,” Alex said. They stood in the threshold, feeling the seconds inch away as neither of them wanted to end the night. Rian caught Alex’s eyes and found himself smiling. Alex thumbed at the hem of his coat. Rian felt the warmth deep in his chest rushing to his face and everywhere else as their eye contact lasted a second longer than it should have.

Alex cleared his throat and cut off any tension Rian had been enjoying. “Okay,” He made a decisive grab for the doorknob. “This was fun. You guys are cool. We should do this again sometime.” 

“Oh, yes. Definitely.” Rian responded with the same resolute phrasing. “I’ll see you around.”

“Absolutely.” Alex pulled his headphones out of his pocket. “Have a good night, Rian.”

A fresh wave of heat ran through him. This was the first time Alex had addressed him by name.

“You too,” He responded softly. “Bye, Alex.” 

Alex grinned and turned to leave. It wasn’t until he had rounded the corner that Rian closed the door. 

His lingering high from both smoke and hormones left his brain in a fog as he turned off the light. Jack’s snoring face, illuminated by the television, faded to black as Rian grabbed the remote. Rian shifted onto his bed and peeled off his shirt. The events of the night blurred together and left his memory longing to replay every detail as he laid down to sleep. The sound of Alex’s laugh. The warmth of Alex’s body. The smell of Alex’s skin. It kept him awake as he unzipped his jeans.


	4. Bottle And A Beat

“So how do you know Alex?” Rian asked his roommate the following day. The two of them were prepping their work-sodden brains for the barrage of finals in the upcoming week. Rian’s eyes scanned across rows of text, absorbing absolutely no information. Jack had taken to flicking paper footballs across the room, which was a new record of productivity for him. 

“He was hanging out in the courtyard a few weeks ago.” Jack kept his distracted attention on the trajectory of the triangular piece of paper. “He was playing guitar for a circle of people.”

“No way,” Rian chuckled. “That is super douchey.”

“I know, right? What a fuckin’ hipster.” Jack took another shot at the gap between the broken strings of his guitar he used for a goalpost. The football fell three feet short among the other failed attempts. “Fuck.” Jack rolled onto his stomach, giving up on the distraction. “So I walk up to him like, ‘First of all, that’s so fake, we don’t live in a 90’s movie, and second of all, play Wonderwall.’”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Rian said, imagining Alex in a Rasta hat and Birkenstocks.

“I talked to him for a little longer and turns out he’s actually a pretty cool dude.” Jack knocked his heels together absently. “He used to be in a band in high school, but he quit when he went off to college.” Jack grabbed his textbook and knit his eyebrows together as he stared at it. “I wish I’d started a band. If I did, I wouldn’t be studying for fucking finals right now!” Jack let his head roll, flattening his face against the pages.

“I know,” Rian empathized and reread a line in his textbook for the fifth time. “I thought music school was supposed to be easy, man.” His sarcasm earned a snort from Jack.

Jack brought the conversation back around before a lull could force the return of his homework. “How do you know Alex?” 

A knot tied itself in Rian’s gut. _He’s just the subject of my everyday masturbatory thoughts, that’s all._ “He’s in my Astrophysics class.”

“Oh, no way, that’s awesome.” Jack picked at the eraser of his pencil. “I didn’t think he’d be a smart guy.”

“He’s smart,” Rian defended instinctively. “What makes you say that?”

“I dunno!” Jack grinned. “He was, like, talking about cum and stuff with us.”

“Yeah, because smart people don’t cum.”

“Apparently not. You’re smart.”

“Oooh shit,” Rian chuckled and threw a ball of paper at his roommate. “Got me good.”

Jack dodged the throw and began flattening the ball out to make a horribly wrinkled airplane. “Do you think we could steal Alex and make him start a band with us?”

“I don’t think we’d need to steal him. We shouldn’t start off our career as kidnappers.”

Jack sat up on his bed, visibly excited. “So you’re saying the band is a good idea?” 

“I didn’t say that,” Rian responded without looking up from his book.

Jack deflated. “C’mon Ri. Why are you so against starting a band with me?”

“I’m not against it,” Rian set his pen down and recited the response he’d given his friend a hundred times. “I just don’t think it’s something we should focus on at this point in our lives. We need to graduate, let’s just keep that the goal for now.”

Jack let out an annoyed sigh and reluctantly returned to his homework. “I bet you’d change your mind if you heard how good Alex is at singing,” Jack muttered.

Rian didn’t acknowledge that taunt, but the thought piqued his interest. Rian could admit to himself that he’d love to hear a song come out of that beautiful mouth.

 

Upon entering class the next day, Rian didn’t feel the expected sense of dread for the final exam of his most challenging class. Instead, he felt excitement for another encounter with the best part of his Monday mornings. A quick glance around the room was all Rian needed to find what he was looking for; deep-conditioned boyband hair. Rian sauntered straight up to its owner.

“So I hear you play guitar in the courtyard like an asshole.” Rian couldn’t hold back his smirk.

Alex took a second to blink up at him before letting out a bark of laughter. “Fuck, dude, I sure do.” He shoved his bag off the chair next to him. “Come on and sit with us, you loser.” 

Rian swung his belongings off his shoulder as he sat down next to Alex and his friend.

“Jeff, this is Rian.” Alex waved his hand between the two of them. “Rian, Jeff.”

“Hey,” Jeff, a guy with a lip piercing and the shadow of a beard, nodded his head in greeting. 

“Rian is the one I was telling you about,” Alex informed Jeff casually.

Rian’s heart thudded. “All good things, I hope.” 

“Only that you’re as bad at Astrophysics as I am at Zelda.” Alex rested his elbows on the table.

“You’re still better than Jack.” 

“My pet rock is better than Jack.”

“Does your pet rock also wash sheets? Because you definitely left pizza stains all over mine.” Rian folded his arms and leaned in for a mock interrogation.

“Damn, really?” Alex grinned and shrugged his shoulders. “I’m sorry. Next time I get dirty in your bed, I’ll be sure to clean up after myself.”

Rian was very aware of how close their faces had gotten during the conversation. 

Someone laughed, and Rian remembered the third party witnessing this shameless display. “Sounds like you two had fun.” Jeff joked and pulled out a pack of gum from his backpack.

“Oh, so much fun!” Alex accepted a piece. “Jeff, you would love Jack. I guarantee that five minutes of talking to him will get you wheezing up a storm.”

“Can’t wait to meet him.”

“Jeff doesn’t laugh,” Alex turned to Rian “He wheezes.” He clarified, answering the look Rian was giving him.

“Ah,” Rian nodded and began unpacking test materials.

“We should all get together and celebrate,” Alex said, “once finals are over. I know a great all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.”

“That sounds awesome,” Rian agreed. Flyzik had just entered the room and began passing out tests. “I’ve been hankerin’ for some orange chicken.” 

“I’d rather get plastered.” Jeff shrugged, “But sure, I’d love the excuse to make fun of your new friends.”

“Don’t be a dick about it.” Alex laughed and knocked against his shoulder. “It’ll be great.” When Jeff didn’t look convinced Alex added: “aaand, I’ll open a tab at The Party Scene after dinner.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Jeff nodded.

The rest of the class quieted down as Flyzik began reading off test instructions. Rian tried to listen to what he was telling the class—something about the final being worth 80% of their grade?!—when Alex slid something against his arm.

“Put your number in,” Alex’s phone lay open on the table. He’d already taken the liberty of writing Rian’s contact name as “pizza cumlord.” A loud laugh earned Rian the interrupted attention of everyone in the class.

Flyzik cast the two of them a reprimanding look. “Phones off, Rian.”

“Sorry,” Rian ducked his head and slowly started typing his phone number in. “Just a sec…”

Alex snorted in disbelief. His head was rested on the desk, his arms covering his smile. “Rian, phones off!” he mimicked in an exaggerated whisper.

“I got it, I got it.” Rian kept typing, his grin widening.

“Rian,” Flyzik warned, but his exhausted smile betrayed any authority he was attempting.

“I know, sorry, this is really important.” Rian scrolled through emojis faster than he’d done anything in his entire life. With a final flourish, he placed the phone on top of Alex’s head.

Flyzik sighed, undoubtedly readier than his students for the end of the year. He finally continued his instructions.

Alex grabbed his phone before it fell. When he saw the necessary additions Rian had made to his contact name, he held back his own uproarious laughter.

“Fuck, dude,” Alex whispered, tilting his head towards Rian. “It’s perfect.”

“Thank you.” Rian felt a few lingering eyes on the two of them, but he didn’t care.

“Oh, Flyzik’s gonna fucking fail us.”

“Definitely. But I can do that on my own.” 

“Good luck.” Alex flicked his bangs out of his eyes and turned his attention to the test.

“You too.” 

Rian’s paper didn’t look nearly as intimidating as it had the first time. 

 

He got a text around 3:50 that afternoon. His final class had just let out, and the weight of four long months of stress had finally been lifted off his shoulders. With the vibration in his pocket, a smile immediately danced across his face. 

[was it just me, or was flyzik’s shirt 30% tighter than usual today?]

{Hello, Space Gremlin.}

[holy shit is that what you made my contact name??]

{As of right now, yes. With little alien emojis.}

[fuck, i love it. that’s so Choice.  
so, Chinese tonight? I’ll be by your room around 7?]

{Absolutely.}

[perfect. It’s a date.]

 

It was unfortunately not a date. Rian hadn’t really gotten his hopes up, but who could blame him for dreaming? With the expected knock on his door at 7:15, Alex arrived late with four people in tow. “Hi!” Alex greeted, stepping out of the frame so Rian could have a good look at everyone. 

Jeff, from earlier, stood behind him. Next to Jeff, a short guy with even shorter hair. Next to him, Jack–where did he come from? And next to Jack, a buff guy with the curliest hair Rian had ever seen.

“Hey!” He replied with equal enthusiasm. He closed the door behind him. Alex’s entourage fanned out into the hall as Alex went down the line introducing everyone.  
“Jeff, Vinny, Jaaack, and Zack!” He gestured to each, then used both of his hands to showcase Rian. “Boys, I present to you the main event; Robert Rian Dawson.” 

“Holy shit, I cannot believe you remember my whole name,” Rian said to Alex incredulously.

“How could I forget? You made such a fuss about it on the first day.” Alex smirked at him.

“You can just call me Rian,” He said to the group. He tilted his head back to Alex. “So, I can count on you making an ass out of me in front of everyone all night?”

“Only if it keeps embarrassing you so much.”

“Glad to know where your loyalties lie.”

“Devoted as a dog, baby.”

Jack cleared his throat. “They do this a lot.” He explained apologetically to the other three excluded from their senseless banter.

“Yeah, I noticed,” Jeff said curtly. “C’mon, you two, you promised alcohol after this.” 

 

The long-awaited summer air hit their faces as the six of them milled along the bustling sidewalks. A gorgeous Friday night seemed to be the perfect excuse for everyone ending their semester to hit the town. Rian saw a few faces he recognized among the masses, but none of them interested him more than the one next to him. Alex had spent their entire journey discussing with Rian the difference between Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. Rian, having no interest in either, kept egging Alex on with his limited knowledge of both.

“…And the creepy elf guy in _that one_ had been cursed by a werewolf/witch hybrid, I get it.” Rian nodded, earning a frustrated noise from Alex in between their laughter.

At the restaurant, they were no better. The other four in their party carried on many lively conversations, but Rian and Alex remained absorbed in their own. Occasionally, Vinny would make an incredulous comment that Alex absolutely _had_ to chime in on. But after the chortles of those kickers and comebacks died down, Alex inevitably turned back to Rian with an even wittier topic than the last. The only time they really shut their mouths was when they had all sat down to eat. Rian kept divvying up the contents of his plate, which Alex stacked with mounds of orange chicken.

 

By nine o’clock they were out again. The streets were even livelier than before, and Jeff lead them to The Party Scene, a club just on the edge of Main Street. Jack had his fake ID ready to go, which Vinny kept stealing and shoving down his pants.

Lights and color hit Rian’s eyes as they entered a sea of people. Under the din of conversations, a steady beat pounded from the dancefloor. Jeff offered to order their drinks while they found a table. Vinny yelled for a mix of Four Loko and Vodka, then he took off for the floor. Jack insisted on ordering his namesake, and Zack settled for a pilsner. 

“Yeah, can you get me the fruitiest, girliest drink they have?” Alex requested. He turned to Rian and bat his very long eyelashes at him. “Tonight, I drink like a princess.”

Jeff chuckled. “You always do,” He turned to Rian. “What’s your drink?”

“Just a rum and coke.” He insisted. “Nothing to steal the princess’s spotlight.”

Jeff nodded and set off for the bar. The remaining four of them found a table close to the action, where they could see Vinny already grinding with a very tall woman.  
Jeff returned with a tray of drinks before long. Jack invited Zack onto the dancefloor with him, where they immediately set their radar to _Girls._ Jeff left to find where Vinny had jumped off to so he could deliver his drink. Alex and Rian sat at the table alone, carbonated and colorful concoctions between them.

“Been here before?” Alex took the swirly straw between his lips, and Rian pretended he didn’t want to stare.

“Not since my twenty-first.” He responded after a satisfying swig.

“Oh yeah? When was that? My invitation must have been lost in the mail.” Alex grinned at him over his drink.

“This past December. I stayed in town over the break.” Rian explained.

“No way, when in December?” Alex straightened his back.

“The eighteenth.”

Alex hit his arm with more enthusiasm than he intended. “No _WAY,_ mine’s the fourteenth!”

“What?!” Rian laughed in disbelief. “We’re almost twins!”

“Birthday buddies!” Alex cried. “So, I’m older than you.”

Rian scoffed into his rum. “Sure, by four days.”

“Yeah but four days every year for twenty-one years… add that all up and I’ve got like, five years on you, Ri.”

Rian felt his heart skip with the use of the nickname. “Is drunk logic kicking in already, your highness, or can you just not do math?”

“Yes.” Alex took another sip with his straw.

 

The club rang and thudded with the rhythmic vibrations from the speakers and high heels hitting the tile. Rian watched the pink ripples of Alex’s drink as they talked over the noise. They heard the occasional holler of Vinny becoming increasingly drunker, followed by the encouraging yells from everyone around him. Sweat glistened off the foreheads of people surrounding them, and Rian admired the view of light changing the color of Alex’s face. Rian’s foot tapped with the beat of the thick bass line. Alex swayed his head and sang along to every chorus he recognized. After ordering them two more rounds, Jeff had disappeared back into the crowd, followed by Zack with another beer in hand as he gave them an acknowledging smile in passing. 

Alex leaned against the table, nudging Rian with his elbow. “Now is it just me, or is Jackary spending an alarming amount of time flirting with the sixteen-year-olds celebrating their twenty-first birthdays?” 

Rian craned his neck to peer above the crowd of people. Jack’s arm held a girl who looked thrilled to be out past curfew. “Shit, not again,” Rian waved his arm to get Jack’s attention. With a swift slashing motion to his neck, Rian sternly shut down his roommate’s shenanigans. When his warning was met with a dismissive gesture, Rian stood.

“Alright, you wanna go out there with me?” He took another sip of rum.

“Are you asking me to dance?” Alex smirked at him, already finishing his third princess drink.

“If we could multitask by keeping Jack from committing a felony, then yes.” Rian extended his arm. “Dance with me, Gaskarth.”

Alex giggled, and Rian didn’t know if the red in his face was from the alcohol, lights, or something else that would get his hopes up, but he linked their arms at the elbow all the same. 

“Hey, buddy,” Rian physically inserted himself between Jack and the unassuming victim. “Come dance with us!”

Jack looked annoyed at the interruption for half a second before his drunken brain shifted back to Party Mode. “YEAH!!!” He raised his glass as the three of them jumped their way to the center of the dance floor. Jack cleared a space for them by emphatically thrusting the air. Rian kept a smile as he allowed the two and a half glasses of rum to relax his muscles enough to follow a beat close to what he could call a dance. Alex danced better than them. Sure, he looked just as ridiculous, but he moved with confidence as his legs twisted and his arms pumped in time with the music. Rian’s balance weakened as he fought the urge to lean against him and press their bodies together.

The rest of the night melded into a single fluid motion. Rian assumed they had eventually gotten too tired or too drunk or too sweaty to stay any later. He also guessed that Alex had planned to be the only one left to walk him and Jack back to their dorm. And maybe he imagined the last part of Alex’s hand on his arm as he said goodnight.

 

As Rian collapsed onto his bed, his ears rang. His heart pumped with the outlasting vibration of the night he’d spent entirely by Alex’s side.

\---

[good morning -~-]

{Good Morning, your highness. Hungover?}

[slightly.  
yes.  
definitely.]

{Drink your fluids.}

[i already did that! thats why im hungover!!]

{Glug, glug.}

[i had a great time last night.]

{So did I.  
BTW, your contact name is Space Princess now.}

[you better believe it. ;*]

 


	5. The Beach

“It must be nice to have the room to yourself.” Alex’s voice mused through Rian’s headphones. Hot summer air rolled through the windows of his room, and Rian wished for AC.

“Yeah, I mean, the place still reeks of Jack’s feet, but I’ve cleaned as much as humanly possible.” He fiddled with a stray thread on his comforter. The tornado of trash that had been his room was now a livable area. Being alone on campus over summer vacation had its perks: a surplus of free time for cleaning, draining hours devoted to retail work, and an extra serving of unadulterated loneliness.

“I can’t believe you’re staying there over the break,” Alex said. “I’d rather be anywhere but those prison cells.”

“Well, I mean, I can’t exactly go home, so it’s preferable to sleeping on the streets.”

“Right, sorry.” Alex cleared his throat. “You should just stay at my place.”

“That sounds great.” Rian agreed. “Yeah, I’d love to share a bed with Jeff.”

“Nah, we’ll just kick him out.”

“He could come live in this brick hole!” He enthused. “We could trade.”

“I’ll pack his things.”

 

Rian’s phone buzzed with a text from Space Princess the next day.

[so tell me your thoughts on a week-long trip to Cape Capperton?]

{I don’t exactly have a prepared supply of camping gear.}

[lucky for you my parents have a cabin along the beach.]

{Are we talking log cabin or 5-bedroom cabin?}

[there are only 4.]

{Fuckin’ rich kid.}

[i could sweeten the deal with free trail mix on the ride over.]

{You had me at week-long trip.}

 

Alex picked him up at 8am the following Sunday. They shoved his suitcase into the back of Alex’s car stuffed with food, a cooler, Zack, Jack, and Jeff. Their two-and-a-half-hour drive didn’t seem as daunting when Alex plugged in his Pop-Punk Spotify playlist and early Green Day blared from the speakers. Rian rode shotgun, kicking his feet up on the dashboard as _Longview_ filled the car.

“This is one of my favorite songs.” He smiled as Alex began singing the chorus. “God, I can’t remember the last time I heard this. This was definitely from my Middle School Angst Phase.”

“Join the club,” Jack called from the backseat. “I think I listened to more Blink from the ages of eleven to fourteen than I’ve listened to anything else for my entire life.”  
“We’re victims of the system.” Alex nodded his head.

“Yeah, the system of pent-up sexual frustration that comes with puberty,” Zack added from his position squeezed against the window. Everyone laughed at the solidarity that comes with listening to shitty bands at an early age.

 

Rian could smell the ocean before he saw it. Alex pulled the car up onto a dirt road curving through a forest. Salty air wafted through the open windows as the warm breeze played with Rian’s hair. When the car emerged from the trees, the ocean lay before them. Sun glowed against the long stretch of sand and water. Alex took a path winding around the beach, leading towards a smattering of buildings lining the coast. The cabins were so large Rian couldn’t even call them “cabins.” They were mansions. Bigger than any house he’d ever lived in. The giant windows on each reflected the ocean and stretched as high as three stories. Rian held his breath as Alex turned into the driveway of one of the more impressive structures. He knew Alex had grown up with a higher amount of privilege than him, but Rian was not expecting this.

He also wasn’t expecting Vinny to pull into the driveway in a separate car. And he was _really_ surprised when a girl hopped out of the back seat and greeted Alex with a kiss.

“Glad you found it,” Alex welcomed Vinny as he hung his arm around the girl’s shoulder.

“You never told us you were the fuckin’ Fresh Prince of Delaware, dude.” Vinny popped the trunk. Another girl got out of the back seat, followed by a guy who walked up to Jeff and Zack to catch up. 

“First of all,” Alex handed him his suitcase. “I’m a Baltimore Boy, through and through.”

“You were born in England.” The girl on his arm spoke up.

“Secondly!” He continued. “It’s not _that_ big. Some of these places have indoor pools and stuff. We are _slumming_ it here on the coast.” 

“I hope ‘slumming it’ means we at least get separate beds,” Rian said while slinging a bag over his shoulder. “The last time I shared one with you, I ended up with pizza sheets.” His grin fell from his face when his expected laugh and witty retort from Alex was instead a cough and change of subject.

“Everyone, this is Jess.” Alex presented the girl with her arm around his waist. “And that’s Katy and Matt.” He gestured to the people who arrived in the other car. “I don’t think you know Zack, Jack or Rian,” He pointed to each of them in turn, and Rian tried not to notice Alex avoiding his eye contact.

“Hi,” Jess had a broad smile as she extended her hand to Rian. He accepted it with equal charm. He ignored the ball of dread thumping against his ribs. 

“Let’s get movin’!” Jack interrupted pleasantries by striding up the walkway. “I wanna mark my scent on every room in this place.”

The inside of the house was equally as impressive as the exterior. In the foyer, (and Rian felt unaccustomed to the accurate use of the term) a staircase curving up to an opened second story was the first thing to welcome their entrance. Columns stood as separation from the foyer to the living room. Alex gave a tour and lead everyone to their temporary bedrooms. Vinny called dibs on the couch. Alex and Jess would share the master bedroom, which left Zack and Jack, Jeff and Matt, to share the rooms on either side. Rian landed in the room at the end of the hall, sharing it with Katy, and feeling like he had somehow drawn the short straw.

“Alex told me you were the only one he trusted to share a room with me.” Katy laughed. Her voice was as low as she was tall. The two of them unpacked their bags over small talk. 

“That’s encouraging,” Rian said. “I’m sorry you couldn’t have a room to yourself.”

“Oh, that’s okay! I expected that would be the case.” Katy folded her bathing suit neatly on her bed. “I don’t mind having a cute roommate.” 

Rian’s laughter trailed off, and he wondered what Alex was making for lunch.

 

“Pizza on the beach-a!” Jack yelled as the nine of them made their way down the sand. They had their arms full of umbrellas, coolers, chairs, and towels. The afternoon heat glared down on their sun-screened skin. 

“Liqueur by the shore!” Alex chimed in. His huge, round sunglasses caught the light and pronounced his pointed features. He had a volleyball tucked under his arm, and an ugly bucket hat to match the equally-appalling pattern of his swim trunks. 

They set up camp near the tide line. Vinny put down the cooler in the sand with an exhausted grunt. He opened the case and handed out bottles of beer to everyone unloading their supplies. Alex’s parent’s cabin bordered a private beach, and the lack of official regulation allowed the group to enjoy as many glass bottles as they’d like. Jack opened boxes of pizza and took the biggest, cheesiest slices for himself. Katy set her towel next to Rian’s. Alex did not sit next to Rian, contrary to Rian’s expectation. Alex instead spread out his and Jess’s towels near Jeff, who worked with Matt and Zack to set up the volleyball net.

As they started the game, Alex took off his shirt. 

Alex had a flat, rectangular torso that seamlessly led to his waist. It wasn’t impressive, but Rian’s eyes lingered as Alex began the game with the first serve.   
They weren’t good at it and got worse as their bottles emptied. No one kept score except Jeff, who insisted his team was winning. Jack tried to dive for the ball several times and ended most attempts with a large nose full of sand. Rian had to catch Katy as she often lost her balance and fell against him, giggling. Alex trained his eyes on the ball as it bounced above the net in no discernable pattern. Vinny put an end to the game when he hit a volley that sent the ball flying into the ocean. Everyone agreed they needed a break from the sun, anyway.

They ended their day of swimming with a bonfire. Katy sat close to Rian in a mirror of Alex and Jess across the flames. Rian kept trying to catch Alex’s eye, but could never get the timing right. Jack spent the night burning marshmallows and Vinny had taken to adamantly recalling a drunken combination of ghost stories. They didn’t turn in until long after midnight. 

Rian returned to their room after his shower and was welcomed back by Katy, who wore nothing but a t-shirt. Rian gave her a polite “Goodnight!” and got into his own bed.


	6. Break Out! Break Out!

The sun that reflected off the ocean was twice as hot the following day. The group’s coolers held extra water, at Rian’s warning of heat stroke, and extra liquor, at Vinny’s complaint of low alcohol content. When their towels were set up, Rian walked over to help Alex with the umbrella.

“I guess no volleyball today, huh,” Rian commented on the heat.

“Yeah, nah.” Alex seemed extra focused on adjusting the umbrella’s pole. 

“I hope the day won’t end with you lying on a sofa while we fan you and feed Your Majesty grapes.” Rian felt nervous, hoping the joke would get the two of them out of this undeniable _weirdness_. He’d felt it from the moment Jess showed up, and he knew Alex noticed it, too. Rian wanted desperately to tell Alex that he didn’t need to act like this. He didn’t need to be weird and distant just because his girlfriend was around. Rian wasn’t jealous. He just wanted his friend back.

But his heart broke when Alex gave him a single, awkward laugh and walked away.

 

The morning was spent sunbathing. Rian sat underneath his umbrella in his t-shirt as Katy, wearing a small bikini, laid next to him in the sun. She’d given up her attempts at flirting for the day when her banter was met with one-worded and unenthused responses. Rian’s mind was so far away he barely registered the Coors cans he’d been slowly working through. His daze was broken when Alex stood up from across the beach.

“Everyone,” He called out to the group for an announcement, wrapping an arm around his girlfriend. “Jess and I are undefeated Chicken Fight Champions,”

“It’s true,” Jess said. “Don’t let his stick legs deceive you; he’s sturdy as a tree trunk.” 

“Who’s up to the challenge?” He declared, sweeping Jess off her feet and heading for the ocean. She squealed as the waves crashed against them.

Jack met up in the water with Zack. “Let me up on those shoulders, big boy!” The two of them got into position, Jack’s gangly limbs climbing all over Zack. Vinny and Matt queued up beside them. Jeff watched from the sand, tipping his drink in salute. 

“I bet we could take ‘em.” Katy had sat up and was looking at Rian expectantly.

“Wanna partner up?” He offered, trying to sound enthusiastic.

“Let’s do this.” She nodded and walked towards the water, giving her hips extra sway.

 

Vinny was too drunk to be a real competitor. He and Matt collapsed within three seconds of the first match. Zack proved to be a solid base, but Jack didn’t have enough upper body strength to do any real damage. He was no match for Katy’s powerful arms. When they were sent tumbling into the water, the real battle began.

Alex and Rian’s faces were close. Rian could not enjoy this, however, due to the thrashing of both partners kicking water in their faces. Alex yelled dramatically as he took a struggled step forward, forcing an imbalance and giving Jess the upper hand. Rian countered this with his own step, but the sudden movement caused Katy to tip. Seizing the opening, Jess gave one final push, and the match was over.

Rian spat out salt water. He felt Katy pressing her chest against his back.

“Aw man,” She whined into his ear. “Next time.”

Alex and Jess were raising both fists in victory.

“Undefeated, motherfuckers!” Alex screamed and tipped them both backward for a celebratory splash. They rose from the water, and Alex pulled her in for a kiss. Rian felt sore all over.

 

Jess handed Rian a drink after they had all dried off. “Good game,” She offered him a bottle opener.

“Yeah, you guys are pretty great,” Rian said and popped open his beer.

“You and Katy weren’t bad, either.” Jess tipped her head in the direction of her friend. “How are things going with her?”

Rian blinked and noticed the sly look creeping upon her friendly smile. “She’s nice.”

“Yeah?” Jess said, getting excited. “Good! I hoped you two would hit it off. I wasn’t gonna invite her until Alex asked for someone to set you up with.”

“Wait, really?” He glanced over at where Alex fumbled with the keg. Alex was setting him up with girls. Rian felt a little insulted. 

Rian swallowed and smiled at Jess. “That was really cool of you, thanks. I know it’s not easy trusting your friends with strangers.”

“Oh, you hardly feel like a stranger!” Jess said, “Alex talks about you all the time. Based on all the things I hear from him, I knew I had to bring in the big guns to get a girl good enough for you.” 

Rian laughed along. “Yeah, I bet it was quite the challenge.”

 

The next few days followed the same pattern with slight variations. One day they played wiffleball instead of volleyball. And in place of Chicken Fights, it was keg stands, or sandcastles, or shotgunning, or boogie-boarding. They never ran out of things to do on that beach, but Rian felt an aching emptiness with each activity. 

It wasn’t until their last bonfire of the week that Rian began to feel something. Though, upon feeling it, he wished he had stayed empty.

It unexpectedly overcame him, triggered by a harmless conversation. If Rian hadn’t been drinking all day and suppressing his emotions, things would have been okay, and the lighthearted talk would have remained so. But Rian was angry at Alex. He’d been brooding that anger all week with each avoidance of eye contact and failed attempt at banter. So, when Alex had begun his farewell toast, Rian should have kept his mouth shut.

“Thank you all for being here tonight,” Alex’s raised bottle reflected the flickering light of the bonfire. “I’ve had a wonderful week and an even better evening. I’m so happy to have so many great friends to spend this vacation with. You guys made every day on this beach fucking awesome, and I’m gonna hate seeing you all sober after this.” Alex tipped his bottle towards the sky. “To summer!”

“To summer!” Came the unanimous reply. 

Rian kept his drink from rising to his mouth and clutched it tightly in his hand. He glared as Alex sat back down, and raised his voice above the laughter. 

“That’s some fucking bullshit.”

A few people looked over at him uneasily. Alex continued to talk with Jeff, seeming to look anywhere but in Rian’s direction. Rian called out a little louder.

“You are so full of shit, Gaskarth.”

This got his attention. Alex glanced over at Rian in question, before laughing it off and turning away.

The feelings of frustration at this abandonment collected all at once in the front of his drunken mind. Rian felt hot anger rise to his face as he spat words that cut into the air. 

“Would it kill you to fucking look at me at least _once_ , this entire week?!”

The overlapping chatter died quickly. Everyone snapped their attention to Alex, who seemed to have the wind knocked out of him. He clenched his jaw, shame washing over his expression. He’d been caught, and he knew it. His defense, if he could even think of one, died on his lips as the broken fumble for an excuse stuttered out of his throat. 

“Uh,” Alex swallowed, and the weight of silence enveloped the group. “I, -- uh. I’m not…”

Rian had never seen Alex look this guilty. He felt like he’d caught him in headlights. Alex wouldn’t admit it. He couldn’t acknowledge that he’d been ignoring Rian all week. That he’d dropped him like a used toy the second he had someone else to devote attention to. Rian reigned in the urge to slap him, and instead stood up and disappeared to walk in his own rage.

 

“So, you're a shirts guy.”

Alex’s voice called over the din of crashing waves.

Rian sat alone on the shoreline and stared off at the moon’s reflection on the water. He ignored Alex’s presence and kept his gaze steady and stubborn.

Alex made a weak gesture to his bare chest. "I'm usually skins, so..." The construct of the joke trailed off as Alex acknowledged his failure at lightening the mood.

With a sigh, Alex sat down next to him. Neither spoke as they listened to the rhythmic splash of waves drowning out the growing tension between them. Alex was the first to speak after a long while.

“I’m sorry for being a dick all week.”

Rian let out a chuckle, despite himself.

“I thought… I didn’t think you would care.” Alex continued. “I thought having all of us here would be a good chance to like, hang out with other people.”   
Rian exhaled.

“I mean,” Alex added, “I thought, maybe, we could broaden our social interactions. Whenever we’re with other people, we kinda act like those embarrassing couples who are glued at the hip.”

This made Rian laugh, and Alex’s shoulders relaxed.

“Okay, but,” Rian spoke up, “ _You_ invited me here.” He looked over and caught Alex’s gaze for the first time all week. The guilt he saw in those deep, brown eyes stung in his chest. “I’ve had fun with everyone else, but you’re the reason I came.” Rian felt his confession thick in his throat. “As soon as your girlfriend showed up, you started ignoring me. I just… I don’t know what I did, or if I embarrassed you in front of her,--”

“No, Rian, you’re fine.” Alex interrupted, “You didn’t do anything, I was… I was just being stupid for no reason.”

“Why?” Rian knit his eyebrows. “Why would you do that to me?”

Alex faltered, searching for a response but coming up empty.

Rian continued. “Like, okay, I get it if we’re… _too close_ , and I’m like…” Rian fought back a knot in his chest. “Being creepy or something…” 

“Fuck,” Alex’s breathing came interrupted by sentences he couldn’t quite find the right words to begin them with. “No, Rian—That’s not… You’re fine, I’m just…” He scoffed, “I’m the one who…” He shook his head and cursed out his own struggle at a proper explanation. “I don’t know.” He finally settled, and whatever real reason he was holding back never made it past his nerves.

Rian sighed and had to chuckle at the irony. Alex, the one with a clever comeback ready at a moment’s notice, crashed and burned the moment he was required to express feelings genuinely.

“It’s alright.” Rian gave up, not in defeat, but because Alex’s struggle at sincerity spoke louder than whatever he could have said. “I get it.”

Alex looked up at him, disappointed in his own failure to explain exactly what he meant, but relieved that Rian understood anyway. “Thanks.” Alex’s shoulders slumped, and he exhaled the remainder of his tension. “I really am sorry, Rian.”

“I know, Alex.” Rian’s heart was returning to that familiar pace it kept when holding Alex’s gaze. “We’re good.”

Alex smiled. The chilled summer night passed over them as they sat together in the sand. The distance between them seemed closer than before, and Rian welcomed back the calming atmosphere Alex’s presence always brought him.

“Did you really try setting me up with a girl?” Rian spoke up after a while.

“Uh, yeah,” Alex chuckled.

“Wow, you don’t know me at all.”

“I think I’m beginning to get the idea.” Alex grinned as he stood up. He offered his hand to Rian and helped his friend stand to join him. They turned their backs on the glowing moon and headed inland.

Alex led him off the beach and into the line of wood and shrubbery lining the sand. When the path they followed wasn’t headed back to the bonfire, Rian spoke up.

“Where are we going?”

“Swimming” was all Alex said in reply.

Stepping barefoot through twigs and leaves was just about too uncomfortable until they reached a concrete wall. Alex started to climb it without missing a beat.

“Help me up here,” Alex said.

Rian kneeled and lifted Alex's foot off his hands. When Alex sat resolutely on top of the wall, Rian used his marginally better upper body strength to lift himself up to sit beside him. 

On the other side, they saw an inground swimming pool attached to another million-dollar cabin. 

“Oh great, pool hopping,” Rian commented with a grin on his face. “Here I was, worried our trip wouldn’t fulfill my sixteen-year-old dreams.”

“Let’s see; got absolutely wasted, did an amazing keg stand, and scaled a wall with your best friend.” Alex counted the list on his fingers. “Yup, sounds like the best prom night ever.” He jumped off the wall.

With a laugh, Rian hopped down and felt his heart race. Alex had called them best friends.

While Rian took a moment to check the house for any signs of life, he heard the descriptive splash of Alex cannonballing behind him.

Alex’s wet hair whipped across his face as he emerged from the glowing blue water. He gave a loud, ringing holler as Rian laughed and shushed him.

“If you were worried about being caught, you wouldn’t have hopped the fence.” Alex reminded him, raising a thick eyebrow at his partner in crime.

Rian felt adrenaline rush through him, and in one resolute motion, he removed his shirt. He saw the grin widen on Alex’s face as Rian jumped as high as he could to splash into the water.

He was greeted by Alex’s wonderful laugh once he resurfaced. 

“Not bad!” Alex applauded. “Pretty sure mine was bigger, though.”

Rian scoffed “Oh, okay, sure.”

“Let’s see who can hold a handstand the longest.” 

“Don’t tell me this is gonna be a pissing contest all night.”

“Rian, please don’t pee in the pool.”

 

After an hour, the two of them sat in the hot tub. They were across from each other but just close enough for Rian to accidentally brush their feet together once or twice.

“I'm sorry again,” Alex spoke up over the quiet splash of the tub. “For treating you like shit.”

“It's okay,” Rian said. “I get it. everyone wants to look cool in front of their girlfriend.”

“Yeah, but I also wanna be cool for you.”

Rian cast him a look, and before he could comment Alex realized what he’d said and winced.

“Don’t... read into that at all.” He chuckled, and Rian was content with leaving those implications hanging. “I mean, I like having you around, and I hate not talking to you.”

Rian smiled, enjoying the warm feelings he was getting from something other than the hot tub. “Me too,”

Alex cast a glance at his phone on the edge of the tub. He grabbed for it with a dripping wet hand.

“Oh, Jess texted me.”

“Yeah?”

“Vinny and Jack are getting naked.”

“I’m happy for them.”

“We should head back.”

“Unfortunately,” Rian agreed.

They lifted themselves out of the tub. Alex shook his head a few times to fluff out the spikes of his long hair. As Alex turned to leave Rian ignored his nervousness and made a bold reach out to grab Alex’s wrist.

“Hey,” Rian murmured before tugging him close. He pulled their bodies together, wrapping his arms around his friend for a tight and sudden hug. 

It was hard to earn a truly sincere moment with Alex. Their conversations consisted of so many layers of irony and sarcasm and, —dare he say it— flirting, that Rian relied on gut feelings to determine what Alex was really saying. But this moment felt truthful. This moment they shared warmth and breath wordlessly. Rian knew. He felt it. Things were going to be okay.

As they pulled away without a word, Rian found it hard to make eye contact again, and hoped that Alex’s face was as red as his own. Rian found where he’d discarded his shirt and pulled it over his soaking wet head. The two of them made their way up the fence the same way they’d come in. 

 

It was nearly three in the morning by the time Alex and Rian made it back to the others. The dying fire matched the atmosphere they arrived to. Vinny was passed out with a bottle within arm’s reach. Jeff and Matt had beers in their hands and tired eyes on the embers. Jack and Katy were making out on the edge of the fire’s light. Jess stood when she saw Alex and Rian emerge from the darkness.

She wrapped her arms around Alex’s neck and kissed him lightly in a sleepy greeting. “You missed a wild night.” 

“Looks like it.” Alex surveyed the aftermath.

“Are you guys okay?” Jess asked Rian. 

“Yeah,” Rian smiled at her. “Thanks,” Despite everything, he didn’t hate her. He wasn’t even jealous of her. He knew that what he and Alex shared was strong, and he valued their relationship for whatever it exactly was. He didn’t know if they would ever properly define it, but he was more than happy to call them best friends. 

Alex yawned, “It’s definitely time to hit the hay.” 

“Hit the sand” Rian corrected as they headed towards their respective beach towels.

“See you guys in the morning,” Alex called as he and Jess reached their spot just as the last ember had died out.

Rian felt his sunburnt exhaustion hit his body as soon as he lay down on the sand. With his final thoughts of the day, he felt good again. Things were okay, and he was happy.


	7. Somewhere In Neverland

In November, the unforgiving Northeastern weather added more misery to the stress of finals. The professors of Rian’s senior year somehow unanimously decided to assign the most difficult assignments at the very last minute. Rian spent most days shuffling through collections of 404 class work and sheet music of the grittiest intensity. When he wasn’t studying, he was grinding through email networking and oral presentations. Even in sleep, his stressed nightmares rotated through an endless loop of tardiness and failed tests. His brain was a hazy, exhausted mess of textbook language and treble clefs. 

The only time he allowed himself to feel any sort of relaxation was when he spent time with his best friend, Cute Eyebrow Guy himself. 

On this particularly chilly evening, the two boys took refuge from the cold among blankets piled on the tiled floors of Rian and Jack's room. A glowing space heater offered sputtering heat as the two of them flipped through textbooks. Rian distracted himself easily with glances up at Alex from across their books. He tried to focus on his homework. Honestly, he did. But Alex’s bangs would flutter against his forehead… and his eyelashes danced with subtlety as he read… and his lips would press together as he mumbled through text… Rian couldn’t focus on anything else.

Alex would catch him staring sometimes, and sometimes Rian would let him. They would share a smile as Alex rolled his eyes. He’d make fun of Rian for not studying, and Rian would tease him for getting all the answers wrong. Somehow the air flowing through the room was warmer in these moments. Somehow the work didn’t seem as horrible, and the weather didn’t seem so bleak.

They hadn’t felt the need to talk about Alex and Jess’s breakup. It had come in late August when she and him returned to their separate schools. Alex had given Rian the information as he slipped it between an unrelated conversation in an offhanded manner. The news earned a raised eyebrow from Rian, and, despite his better judgment, a smirk that Alex acknowledged with his own. They continued the previous discussion as if nothing had happened, but Rian found himself grinning more than usual.

Coincidentally, their casual intimacy gradually grew over the course of the next few months. Alex often sat a bit closer to Rian than he needed to, pressing his arm against Rian’s as if nothing were out of the ordinary. Rian would gently rest his hand on Alex’s shoulder when he needed to get his attention. When playing video games together, Alex’s legs always found their way onto Rian’s lap, no matter who else was in the room with them.

The rest of their friends had mentioned the sudden, noticeable shift in body language the first few times it occurred, but after their jokes were met with the shrug of shoulders or a simple laugh, they gave up teasing them. Alex and Rian were always within arms reach of each other, and that had quickly become a regular part of their social circle. 

 

As Alex and Rian’s study session dragged on and the weight of assignments took hold of the two of them in earnest, Rian felt his eyes dry out from all of the reading. He leaned back on the floor and pinched his brow. He stretched his arms, straightening his posture and rolling his neck. When a groan escaped Rian’s lips at the pent-up stress pulling at his muscles, Alex looked up from his book.

“Is that homework for Murphy’s class?” He glanced over at Rian’s paper. Rian had filled out an entire page, front and back, with notes from the chapter. The marks were packed tightly, cramming in as much information as Rian’s chunky handwriting would allow. In contrast, Alex’s notes were loose and vague. His scrawled lettering barely scratched the root of information, and as a result, his professors never offered him bonus points for the stars and aliens he drew on the margins of his homework.

“Oh no, you’re not copying my answers, dude.” Rian covered the sheet with his hand. 

Alex pouted at his friend’s ever-present stubbornness. “You were so much easier last year. All I had to do was bat my little eyelashes and you'd hand me my cheatsheets on a silver platter.” He turned back to his homework dramatically, hoping his aloofness would guilt Rian into caving.

“You no longer have any power over me.” Rian declared, smirking at the performance.

Alex thumbed through his book pointedly. “Can’t wait to call your bluff on that.”

 

Jack announced his and Zack’s arrival to the study session with hands full of fast food. They divvied their spoils out on the tile, shuffling bags around and stealing fries. Rian’s stomach growled as he welcomed the break from Composition homework. Alex snatched his unattended homework out of the corner of his eye, and Rian chuckled before grabbing burgers for the two of them.

“How’s homework going?” Zack sat down and unzipped his backpack. 

“I want to die,” Alex said through a mouthful of fries.

“Great,” Jack threw his books on the ground and hunted the mess of his room for a notebook. “So normal, for Murphy.”

“Rian already finished his Comp homework,” Alex waved the stolen paper to display it to the group.

“And Alex is trying to seduce it out of me.” Rian yanked his homework back and gave the thief a taunting look.

“It’s true.” Alex nodded at Jack, turning back to Rian and actually batting his eyelashes. “ _Rian,_ ” He began singing an aimless tune. “ _Baby, please, let me copy off you! I hate doing work, I’d rather die before it’s due!_ ” 

Rian threw a fry at him between his laughter. 

“Alex, why do you even care,” Jack giggled as Alex draped his body lifelessly onto Rian’s lap. “You’ve fucked your way through all your classes.”

He sat up, indignant. “Jackary, you know that’s not true! I’m a hardworking boy with an extraordinary work ethic.” Alex took a sip of his coke. “Which is good, because Flyzik isn’t into me, anyway.”

 

Eventually, they all got back to studying. Alex took a few breaks to grab Jack’s guitar and strum absently. He hummed along to whatever familiar song his fingers knew by heart. He’d get to a chorus, and his hums would smooth over into lyrics, singing quietly while the rest of them nodded along. Rian kept a beat with his pencil against the spine of his book. Zack followed with a decent melody, and Jack tried his best with every other word that he knew. When Alex’s chord progressions found their way around to the first few notes of When I Come Around, the whole group was wrapped up in singing along. 

In moments like these Jack would look over at Rian. His roommate’s argument for starting a band had become more difficult to shoot down, and Rian was getting sick of the conversation. Once Jack found out Zack could play bass, he was impossible to discourage.

“It’s the whole package, dude.” Jack would insist to Rian on the way back home from late nights with the four of them. “You’re the best drummer I know, and even I can admit that Alex has a better voice than I do. With me on guitar and now Zack on bass, we’ve got everything! We could actually make this work!”

Of course, he was right, but Rian would never tell him that. He’d always stuck by his plan: wait until graduation. But meeting Alex felt like fate, in more ways than one. The boy gave off Lead Singer vibes with every flip of his highlighted hair. Rian knew that having him on their team would get them somewhere. But why was he still so hesitant?

“So are you guys heading home for break?” Zack asked them after they’d run out of songs to distract them.

“I wish,” Alex scribbled on his paper. “My parents are headed back to England to spend Christmas with my relatives.”

“And they decided you shouldn’t be allowed on a plane?” Rian inquired.

“Hmm,” Alex said, figuring out how to phrase it, “It’s more like, my grandparents have a problem with my _haircut_ , among other things.”

“Ah.” Rian nodded in solidarity.

“What?” Jack twisted his face. “That’s fucking dumb, why does your hair matter so much?”

Alex cast Rian a look, and Rian suppressed a smile. “What about you, Zack?” Alex turned the conversation. “Going home?”

“Yeah,” Zack smiled. “My sister’s bringing my niece, so I get to babysit for Christmas.”

“Aw, that’s sweet,” Rian said. “It’ll be nice to be around family.”

“And I guess you’re not going home, Rian.” Jack added, turning to the other boys, “This guy always stays here for every single break we have. I don’t know how he can stand it!”

“I’ve gotten used to it,” Rian shrugged. “One year I even made a tree out of stacked soda cans. It was very festive.”

“Oh my god,” Zack snorted.

“That’s depressing as shit.” Jack shook his head.

“Yeah, that is.” Alex leaned back against the bed, fixing Rian with his gaze. “That’s why you’re spending Christmas with me this year.”

“I am?” Rian raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah. Jeff’s going home, so you can fill that lonely void in my heart.”

“Okay,” Rian couldn’t help his beaming smile. “That sounds perfect.”

“Cool.”

Jack rolled his eyes and turned back to his textbook. “Gay.”


	8. My Only One

Alex’s room smelled like him. Rian felt the memory of sitting so close to him that first night rush back through his senses. The chill down his spine, the shiver of comfort.   
Rian walked through the threshold and felt like he’d been in this room a thousand times before, though the thudding in his chest pumped adrenaline at the excitement of being somewhere new. Not just new, but important. This room was important to him in ways he couldn’t put into place, in ways his heart knew better than his mind. Rian knew as soon as he entered, that he belonged there. In this sacred place blessed with its owner’s company when Rian, himself, could not be. Rian savored every detail as he took careful steps through this hallowed ground.

The colored pattern of band posters stuck to each wall. Stickers covered the wood of the dresser and desk and headboard. They dotted their surfaces in a tessellation of concert memories and merch table freebies. 

Alex’s bed was made with a blue blanket tucked tightly against the twin mattress. It sat in the corner of his room, where a stack of notebooks and sheet music piled next to it on a side table. 

Beside that, in its stand, Alex’s guitar glimmered as the soft winter sun glowed through the curtains. It was teal, plugged into a pristine amp, with more stickers and logos covering its face. Rian recognized several bands from his childhood, faded and worn stickers among a smattering of fresh additions. Rian imagined Alex’s late nights growing up, practicing until his fingers blistered on the sharp strings of this relic of inspiration. Rian heard Alex’s voice, soft and controlled as he wrote lyrics until the early hours of the morning. Each one of Alex’s possessions called a new curiosity from him, leaving him in awe, standing in the middle of the room.

“This is where the magic happens,” Alex announced.

Rian grinned. “I like it.”

 

The answer to where Rian would sleep that night was implied but never discussed. As the hours past midnight crept on and the video games they’d been playing were long abandoned, Rian fell asleep against Alex’s shoulder. And that’s where he stayed every night after that.

The days of their vacation fell into a comfortable pattern. Some mornings, Alex awoke with his head resting on top of Rian’s stomach, other days Rian would find himself nestled against Alex’s chest. Their threshold for what some would consider an adequate amount of personal space was narrowing by the day.

They’d head out to lunch around two in the afternoon. By five, they’d be in bed again, watching television or playing Xbox. Always close enough for their legs to touch. The warmth in the predictability of their routine felt natural.

 

On Alex’s birthday, they went out drinking. The bar they went to was fancier than what Rian was used to. Alex insisted on paying for everything, but Rian convinced him to let him buy his first drink, at least.

“To you,” Rian tipped his rum and coke to Alex as they sat at the bar. “My best friend, for pool hopping with me, letting me _stay with you_ over break, and copying off my homework for a full year.”

“Ayee!” Alex happily clinked his glass against his in toast. “Full year in January,” He corrected after a generous sip. “You came into Flyzik’s class, first day, and fell _madly in love with me._ ”

Rian nearly choked on his drink. “What?” He laughed, a pink blush filling his cheeks. “I did not.”

“You absolutely did.” He smirked, taunting Rian with those long eyelashes. “You think I didn’t _notice_ you staring at me all semester?” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Rian shook his head, taking a drink to stifle his grin. “…I called you Cute Eyebrow Guy for like, three weeks.”

“No way!” Alex laughed uproariously, and Rian called them another round of drinks.

 

Their walk home was a challenge. Rian supported Alex by the waist as they dragged their drunken selves home. Alex flopped onto the bed, shedding his jacket and shirt somewhere on the floor. He turned over and grabbed at the air. Rian took the hint and removed his shoes. He crawled onto the bed next to Alex, who wrapped his arms tightly around him the second he laid down. 

Rian awoke to the sound of Alex moaning in his sleep. Rian shifted his position, assuming that Alex was uncomfortable and needed more room. As soon as he did, Alex’s arms pulled him back, and his leg pressed itself right against Rian’s crotch.

Alex let out what Rian now recognized as a very low, sexual moan. Rian felt his heart pound and head rush as Alex’s breath tickled his neck. Rian pulled his hips away from Alex, trying desperately to remove the very good feeling of Alex’s leg between his. At the same time, Alex’s body moved to fill that space with a sleepy whimper. The grip of Alex’s hands pulled against the fabric of Rian’s shirt, as if he couldn’t get close enough. Rian swallowed down a knot in his throat and filled his thoughts with dead puppies.

He tried another attempt at freeing himself, admittedly impressed with Alex’s unconscious persistence. As he moved, Alex whimpered, and this time Rian froze.  
“Rian…” Alex murmured his name. It sounded different than normal. It was thick with sleep and alcohol, in a husky voice that made the pressure in Rian’s pants all the more unbearable. Rian’s heart raced as he felt what was unmistakably Alex’s soft lips gracing the gentle skin of Rian’s ear. Alex whispered his name again, his breath giving him goosebumps and every other bodily reaction. With another graveled moan, Alex rocked his hips back against Rian’s crotch. Rian sat up very quickly.  
He left the bedroom as quietly as he could, leaving Alex asleep in bed and feeling at the empty space beside him. Rian entered the bathroom and splashed icy water on his face. He clutched the edge of the sink and took deep breaths. 

He returned to Alex sleeping with his back facing the door. Rian wondered if he had woken up and realized what had happened, or just rolled over. Either way, Rian returned to the bed and laid down on his back. His last thoughts before falling back to sleep were of Alex turning over and snuggling up to him.

 

The next few days proceeded as usual, back into that comfortable rhythm they had grown so used to. The late hours of their night came with a sense of trust and safety. The two of them stayed up talking about nothing and everything. They rambled on about old childhood habits while in the same breath discussing secrets they had not dared to tell anyone. Rian entrusted his to the only person he knew would understand, and in return, he earned the same respect from Alex.

“They’re ashamed to have a son like me.” Rian’s confession had come one night as they sat on the floor drinking cheap beer. There were strung lights hanging on the walls, illuminating their solemn faces with a warming glow.

Rian picked at the label of his bottle. Silence graced the spaces between their words in the safety of the room. Alex kept his gaze to the floor, allowing Rian to speak without the pressure of maintaining eye contact.

“I mean,” Rian chuckled thickly as he felt his eyes well up. “They won’t even let me come home.”

Alex nodded. He thumbed at his bracelet as Rian took time to breathe. “…I get that.” The soft tone he responded with was different from his usual one. Instead of quick and witty, Alex spoke with patience and understanding. The soothing rhythm of his voice coaxed Rian down from the anxious severity of his thoughts. 

Alex continued, “I’m definitely banned from my grandparent’s house.” His words were gentle, as if raising his voice would scare away his confidence. “My parents are just happy I’m ‘half-straight.’” Alex scoffed. “I think they’re hoping I’ll grow out of it and end up with a girl.” 

Rian laughed, swallowing the lump in his throat. He ripped off the label with a resolute tug. “Parents suck.”

“I’ll drink to that.”

 

Rian woke up on his birthday to the smell of bacon and eggs wafting through the bedroom door. Rian met Alex in the kitchen. His heart warmed at the domestic scene before him.

“Good morning, birthday boy.” Alex’s bright smile cleared the sleepiness from Rian’s head. He was wearing the alien-patterned socks Rian had gifted him four days earlier. 

“Good morning,” Rian responded, leaning over Alex’s shoulder and grabbing a piece of bacon. “Have any plans today?”

“Actually, I do.” Alex turned to him and wiped his hands on a towel. “Jack and Zack are coming over to hang out.”

“Fun,” Rian grinned. “Are they here to swipe our PBR?”

“Yes and no,” Alex set their plates down on the table. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

“If Jack’s involved, I don’t know if I want it.” Rian dug into his plate. Alex wasn’t a fantastic cook, but Rian loved every bite, all the same.

“Don’t worry, it’ll be great.” Alex poured orange juice between two glasses. “And if you hate it, I’ve got a plan B.”

 

There was a knock on the door after lunch. Alex got up from the living room couch and welcomed their chilly friends inside from the snow. Jack came with birthday gifts, which he produced from his pocket with pride.

“From both of us!” He announced with a flourish as he dropped a bag of weed into their hands.

“I had to talk him down from a pair of _His and Her_ matching bathrobes,” Zack explained as he peeled off his winter coat.

“Rian would have gotten _Hers_ ,” Jack added, kicking snow off his boots.

“Thanks for clarifying that,” Rian pocketed his present. “I really don’t know how we’d make the distinction.”

“This means we’re off the hook for Christmas gifts, right?” Zack joked and unraveled his scarf.

“Only if you buy us pizza for dinner, then you’re clear ‘til New Year’s.” Alex fit into the role of host with grace as he hung up their coats for them. “Now, gentlemen,” Alex commanded their attention. “How about we crack into our gifts, and I show you the real reason I’ve gathered you today.”

 

Alex lead them to a door at the end of the hall, next to Jeff’s room. He paused in front of it for dramatic effect before swinging it open. Inside, a full drum kit, bass, and two guitars were set up in a circle. All the equipment and microphones were hooked up top-of-the-line amplifiers. Giant ornate rugs hung from the parts of the walls not covered with acoustic foam. In the back of the room, a soundboard was set up and waiting for them.

“Holy shit,” Rian exclaimed.

“You’ve got a recording studio in your fucking apartment?” Jack ran for one of the guitars and began plucking at it.

“Yeah!” Alex laughed as Zack stared wide-eyed at the bass calling him from the floor.

“I pay extra on rent, and so my landlord could soundproof the walls,” Alex explained, smiling widely at how awed his friends were. “It’s all legit.”

“You fucking rich kid.” Rian stared at him with an incredulous smile. “Is this my birthday gift?”

“Well, yes,” Alex chuckled. “Almost.” He grabbed his guitar and slung the strap over his shoulder. “I also want us to jam together. Properly.”

“No fucking way!” Jack couldn’t contain his excitement. He started jumping around and playing every chord he knew, the crisp sound filling the room.  
“That seat’s for you, buddy.” Alex nodded to the drums. 

Rian felt that his smile couldn’t possibly get any more full. He walked up to the kit, taking in its beauty. He sat down and looked up at where Alex was tuning his guitar. The view of the back of his head, soft brown boyband hair, was perfect.

“Rian,” Alex called back to him when the four of them were done setting up. “Count us off.”

Rian raised his sticks in the air, hitting them together four times, and starting the session.

 

They sounded amazing. Well, as amazing as four guys who’d never had a solid practice together could be. They started off playing covers, pretty much any song Jack could remember. There was a lot of Green Day and Blink, so Rian wasn’t surprised when Alex started improvising his own stuff. He told everyone the chord progression he wanted and what time signature to use, and let them figure the rest out however they wanted. 

As Rian expected, Alex fit the role perfectly. A leader, not just lead singer. He acted like he knew what he was talking about, and everyone trusted his judgment. Alex’s stuff was good. It had all the best bits of their favorite bands, and somehow also felt like a divergence from the genre. They worked well together and sounded even better. Jack and Alex’s energy fed off each other, while Zack kept a cool head and steady bass line to balance out their dynamic. For the first time, Rian saw them as a band. Maybe he could finally take the idea seriously.

 

Jack and Zack left around ten. Jack insisted on meeting up again next week, which Alex agreed to and for every week after that. Zack took a box of leftover pizza with him, and they returned home through the freezing night.

“That was incredible.” Rian collapsed on the bed after their guests had left. He grinned up at Alex, who was already in his pajamas. “We sounded so good!”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy.” Alex laughed and sat down next to him. “We really did, though. I’m glad you had a good time.”

“The best time.” Rian’s face flushed with the residual high of all the excitement. “Thank you so much, Alex, this was an amazing present.” He sat up to face him. “You don’t even have to resort to your backup gift, this was enough.”

A smile danced across Alex’s lips. “Okay,” He sat up a little straighter. “If it’s alright though, I kinda want to give it to you, anyway.”

Rian’s heart pounded in his ears. “Alright.”

“Close your eyes.”

Rian obeyed without hesitation. He sat on the bed and felt his body fill with warmth as anticipation pounded through his blood. He felt Alex’s breath against his face, and hand against his arm. The weight of the bed shifted as Alex leaned close to him. Rian stayed still, afraid that if he moved, he’d ruin this impossible thing he’d only dreamed of every day for almost a full year. After what felt like one long, exciting eternity, Alex kissed him.

And Rian forgot how to breathe.

 

Alex’s lips were soft and kind against his own. They pressed gently, tilted to fit together perfectly. As Alex’s other hand moved to the back of his neck, Rian found the courage to move again. 

His fingers traced the length of Alex’s arm, moving under the sleeve of his t-shirt and feeling the warmth of his skin. Rian’s heart pounded with the intensity of feeling Alex so close to him. Rian’s hand moved to the side of Alex’s face, and he cupped his cheek gently as he kissed him.

With a smooth motion, Alex followed the goosebumps on Rian’s skin from the base of his neck up to his hair. His fingers thread through his scalp as he deepened their kiss. Rian caught his breath as Alex’s tongue traced the seam of his lips. 

Though their hold on each other tightened and their hearts beat faster with each kiss, they didn’t rush. The two of them sat entangled and captivated by the intoxicating movements of one another. Their rhythm kept steady and passionate, savoring the moment they’d denied themselves for so long. 

Rian chuckled softly between kisses, and Alex pressed back a smile in response. Alex’s hands moved through Rian’s hair hypnotically, tracing every inch of his scalp to finally rest beneath the dip of Rian’s ear. Rian’s palm brushed along Alex’s jaw. He felt the hint of stubble against his touch and followed the line of it up to his soft strands of hair. Rian needed to feel him, every inch of him.

Rian wrapped his arm around Alex’s waist and pulled him onto his lap. Alex moaned in that thick, graveled voice Rian liked so much. Alex tugged at Rian’s shirt, pulling their bodies to fit together seamlessly. His tongue played at Rian’s lips and entered his mouth, delicately sending shivers through Rian’s heated body with each flicker and tease. 

When Alex pulled back for air, Rian’s mouth found its way to the blushing warmth of his neck, kissing and licking every inch of the exposed skin. Alex hummed against the sensation and tightened his legs around Rian’s torso. 

Rian trailed kisses back up Alex’s neck, finally following the line of his jaw up to his mouth. 

With soft, sweet intentions, he kissed the lips he had dreamed of tasting for so long. 

Their kiss broke gently. Rian’s eyes were foggy with elation. Alex met his smile with one of equal affection. Rian pressed their foreheads together and exhaled the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. Rian wished for a way to burn this moment into the permanent fabric of time, to keep everything this perfect, always.

“Also,” Alex spoke up softly, voice weighted by the action and heavy breathing. “I got you _The Empire Strikes Back_.”

Rian let out a full, genuine laugh. He hugged Alex with his entire body and let every worry he’d ever felt melt away in the warmth of their embrace.

 

They spent that night under the covers of Alex's bed. The strung lights faded in and out like fireflies, and a Star Wars movie played on Alex's television that neither of them paid attention to.


End file.
